I’m saying that no matter whatever sloganistic squishy ideology I might have pretended to adhere to, deep down I was ashamed to be one of them, and ashamed of the thwarted life I led. Even the white women who survived and managed to mature didn’t want to deal with mothering all that, and immature white girls were too angry and self-righteous to accept motherhood anyway. God knows that all the brown trans women I knew were careful to call themselves trans women of color and not just trans women – and I don’t blame them for emphasizing the distinction. I suppose that the black and brown mothers out there might take offense to my including their daughters among the orphaned elephants.