You are lying in the dark and you no longer know whether your eyes are open or closed, and her silence is a storm roaring through your soul, a storm which tears loose everything you value and carries it along before hurling it out into meaninglessness. You get a sense of a smooth pond with greenery crowding right down to the edge of the water. That smooth water is her silence. Strong hands are pushing your face down beneath the surface and until now you have managed with increasing desperation to hold your breath, but tonight will see the unavoidable violent intake of breath. But it will only mean agonizing pain, without bringing an end to the breathlessness.